i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
