i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
