she looked like the before picture.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
