ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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