a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
