I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
