So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
