She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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