capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
