Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
