theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
