just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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