If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
