I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
