Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
