He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I want to fling myself into the sun
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
