new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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