i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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