if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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