My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
