I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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