I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
that is very illegal...i love you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
