It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
