and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
