I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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