.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
