Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Someone shattered a urinal.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
