You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
