Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
