Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
