I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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