I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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