Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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