so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
