I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
