I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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