We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
