the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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