This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
there's paper in my vomit.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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