I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i came on her dog
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I had to cum in my sink.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
