Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
