Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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