I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
