Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
