Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
