Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
