Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
