So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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