I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize