We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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