I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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