i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
