Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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