I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
