I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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