Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
