Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
