my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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