Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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