i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
birth control should be required to get into college
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
