My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
