i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
