You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
