so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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