I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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