dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
