okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
