Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
